Weathering The Storm
Carole, here is my testimony to the Lord for all He has done for me.
I prayed to the Lord to take my life, to end it all and free me from all the pain in my heart and in my thoughts. Too much stress, no rest, three teenage sons and it seemed to me as if no man cared. Why would I ever want to continue on in this world? I believed once I had it all when I was married, had two incomes, a home and children and no time for the Lord. But all was not good as I was beaten daily with negative words or was consistently ignored. I was open to this as my wounded heart was still bleeding from a childhood of sexual abuse and a college rape along with many abusive relationships. I was so proud and believed I could do whatever this world required by doing more, or change my life by changing me in some outward fashion. My earthly husband walked out on me, took our money and told our sons and myself we had to be out of our home in eight months. This was during a time when I did not have a job.
My stubbornness persisted as over the following three years I made many wrong decisions based on my knowledge and found myself in overwhelming debt, a child on probation, vile relationships and finally unemployed for three months. The only release I could think of was to die. (Editors note: this was Maribeths condition when she first wrote asking for prayer, to this ministry. Within a few weeks of intense exchanges of letters, Maribeth reached the end of herself and committed herself to the Lord for His work in her. Her heart was healed and she began to see immediate changes in her perspectives. I had the opportunity to meet Maribeth five months after she first reached out for help. She was - and is - the most loving, warm. talented and kind friend! Her sons too have greatly benefited from the changes in her healed heart, and their family today is one of peace and friendship. Carole)
I finally gave up my struggle and placed my life in the Lord's loving arms and asked Him to take me over, along with my sons, and this life. It was at this time - finally, God could teach me, form me, and mold me into a new vessel. I asked for His life instead of pleading for my death. No decision I had made was right. No direction I had gone was correct. God's plan was the only way for me and I surrendered to Him.
The miracles began. God lead me to His words and I immersed myself in those promises each day. First, he gave me a new job, a job that had been in my heart, which did not require a resume, application or interview on my part. Through his mercy I am getting out of debt. My sons' hearts are being healed and their memories soothed through the love of the Lord. He has replaced our fear with laughter and our despair with joy. God is the head of our household and the love of my life. There is unexplainable serenity in our lives and a gentleness that was non-existent before God. I had dug my own pits to live in on this earth and realize now that the Lord had not forgotten me, but had been with me all the time crying as many tears as I was as I made so many wrong decisions. The invitations were there to join Him, but I ignored them. I cannot even fathom his patience. I will worship and praise the Lord all the days of my life and thank Him for creating me and forever loving me.
In 1997 I wrote a prayer request to Love Gifts Ministries as a broken and devastated person. I was the product of an abusive childhood and a sixteen-year abusive marriage. It's not that I didn't know Jesus or wasn't saved as far as being born again and knew I would enter Heaven should I die. I was just wounded and broken-hearted. My view of life proceeded out of those wounds and crooked perceptions. All I knew and understood was that I was a worthless victim, expecting to be rejected and self-hating. I never really knew Jesus' love for me down deep in my heart. I knew about it in my head, but His love was not a reality to me.
Through fellow home school moms, I found out about Carole's ministry. I wrote her about my pain and she faithfully emailed me each time. When I would read her response I immediately sensed the anointing and presence of the Holy Spirit. The words would pierce my heart with love and I would cry. I knew God was speaking directly through her words to me. Slowly, like the layers of an onion skin being peeled back, the healed began.
At first I would only write her every six months or so. Each time a major crisis arose I would write and pour out my heart. Each and every time I experienced the same major touch from the Lord. About one half years ago, I came to a place where I knew my heart needed to be healed. I asked Carole to be my Pastor and the intensive mentoring and Holy Spirit therapy began. I began to make tremendous strides as the Holy Spirit worked mightily to heal the broken parts of my heart. I answered God's call to ministry as well.
This past March, God arranged for Carole and I to meet face to face. It had been seven long years but we had only met through emails and spoken a few times by phone. I attended a conference in Oklahoma and met Carole there. The culmination of the previous seven years of Carole sowing and praying into my life came to fruition. The minister walked back to where I was sitting next to Carole. He had not sought out anyone else to give a word over during the entire conference. He said my heart was being healed from a minor physical problem regarding the blood flow, but it was also being healed inside and out. I knew that my broken heart was finally healed. At the age of 45, after 29 years of walking with the Lord, my heart was truly healed. Other churches and ministries had even abused and molested me spiritually, but I knew I was in a safe place now. The unconditional love of Jesus flowing through this minister was used to heal me. Now I am learning to walk by the Spirit, walk in Love, walk in power which will be used to reach the hurting, broken, sick and dying people of this world. I am free to be fully yielded and surrendered to God's will. I could never have done in my previous broken state. The enemy doesn't mind so much if you get saved but stay spiritually and emotionally crippled and impotent. When you become whole and powerful, then you are dangerous to the kingdom of darkness. I thank God for directing me to Carole and her ministry and that I am now a part of helping her as she helps others. Carole gave me words of life and my life keeps getting better and better! Glory to God forever!